It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: Embracing Grief (and Grace) After Divorce
Let’s Just Say It: This Hurts
Hey love,
If you’re reading this with swollen eyes and a soul that feels worn thin… I want you to hear something loud and clear: you don’t have to be okay right now.
The Christian world can sometimes unintentionally rush us past grief with phrases like “God’s got a plan!” or “Joy comes in the morning!”—and while those things are true, they don’t erase your pain today.
Divorce is grief.
And grief is messy. It doesn’t follow a straight line or a Sunday sermon outline.
Grief Comes in Waves 🌊
There were days I felt numb.
Then days when I was crying in my car because a song came on.
Then days I was completely fine... until I wasn’t.
One moment I was thanking God for His strength. The next I was yelling at Him in my car.
And you know what? That’s grief. And it’s holy too.
Even Jesus wept. Even Jesus asked “Why have You forsaken me?”
He gets it, so give yourself permission to not have it all together. 💔
The Guilt Layer (Let’s Talk About It)
Now here’s the other sneaky part of grief: the guilt.
You might find yourself thinking…
“Maybe if I had prayed more…”
“Maybe if I didn’t say that thing in 2016...”
“Maybe if I was prettier, quieter, more agreeable…”
Sis, no.
You are not responsible for someone else’s choices.
You are not to blame for everything that went wrong.
We carry guilt like it’s a badge of honor. But grace says otherwise.
There came a moment when I realized I was clinging to guilt not because I deserved it—but because it gave me an out. I had the perfect excuse to NOT DO anything about it.
As long as I blamed myself, I didn’t have to face the randomness or the unfairness of the pain. Having said that, there is a huge difference between blaming myself for all that happened and taking responsibility for my role in the situation.
God didn’t call us to carry guilt.
He called us into healing.
And healing begins with honesty—not with pretending to be over it.
So… What Now?
Start with grace.
Let yourself feel. Cry. Rage. Grieve.
It doesn’t make you faithless. It makes you human.
Then, slowly, begin inviting God into the wreckage.
Not with perfect prayers—but with real ones.
I remember one night, curled up in bed, all I could pray was,
"God… I just want to make it through one more day."
And you know what? That was enough.
He showed up.
He always does.
📌 Helpful Tool: Journaling Through the Grief
One thing that helped me through this messy middle was journaling.
Not the pretty kind. The raw, pen-scribbling, tissue-soaking kind.
Writing out my heartbreak gave me space to speak my pain without judgment. I even started a blog and wrote all my feelings out. It’s still private to this day.
If you’re not sure where to start, I want to gently recommend my guided journal, Identifying the Shadows.
It gently nudges you to delve beneath the surface, recognizing feelings of hurt and resentment that might be influencing you in your everyday life, and it meets you where you are.
You can go at your own pace. You don’t have to be ready. You just have to be willing.
Learn more about Identifying the Shadows.
💛 A Simple Step: Journal This Prompt
Take 10 quiet minutes. Light a candle if you can.
Write this at the top of the page:
“Dear God, I’m hurting because…”
And then just write. No filter. No fixing. Just truth.
Afterwards, sit still. Breathe. Know He heard you.
You’re not alone in this, sis.
And you never will be.
